Tivo and other time shifting devices are great. I can watch my favorite television programming, for example, at my convenience and without (most) commercials. The major weakness I have encountered, however, is the human element.

I’ll stop being abstract. I watch football on my Tivo because it allows me to skip however many commercials they cram into over three hours of tv per game. During the beginning of the game I’ll often run to the store to pick up sustenance (to use the term loosely), often pizza at Costco.

My buddy Derickson and I did that today during the Seahawks game. Costco TVs are showing ads, not the game — check. Avoid eye contact with anyone wearing Seahawks paraphernalia or portable radios — check. Sharpen my shiv just in case — check.

The mission neared accomplishment as I purchased the pizza and waited for Derickson to wheel his cart over from the checkout line. He looked like someone sucker punched his grandma. “I know the score.” Some jerk had shouted out the game score to his virgin ears. He is not and will never be the same.

This wasn’t the first time our souls were crushed.

Tivo back (haha, get it?) a year. Same deal: we are picking up a Costco pizza during a Tivod Seahwaks game. This time the action occurs during the receipt-check process. Visualize a Seahawks t-shirt over my ripped chest and heavily striated biceps as I approach some idiot with the receipt ready for inspection.

Receipt guy aka Retard: Oh, Seahawks fan?
Me: (cringing) yeah. I’m recording it right now.
Retard: Watching the game?
Me: I’m recording it. Going to watch it when I get back.
Retard: Want to know the score?
Me: No. I’m recording it.
Retard: Well, its 19-3 [or whatever]

I still pride myself on not harvesting his kidneys with a shiv (though I have carefully choreographed the maneuver hundreds of times. I have diagrams and a modified prison spoon to prove it).

How should society operate in a time shifted world? Before discussing time-sensitive events should people make sure those within earshot don’t want to hear it? Should the time shifters spend their waking hours in hyperbaric chambers? Should I hunt down the Costco guy and free Kevin and Mitnick (I’ve named his kidneys)?